Why Jackson? | Loss and Mourning

I don’t actually know a Frank, but I have to be frank with you right now. I’ve spent the last seven months avoiding this awkward conversation because it just isn’t the easiest of talks to have with people. But it’s time. People constantly ask me what brought me to Ohio. “Why Jackson?” The questions go on. I normally just shrug it off and avoid fully answering. Probably because there isn’t a light way of saying “Well, my son’s dad passed away last summer and we just happened to find a house to call home here.” There’s not really a good way to sugar coat that kind of statement. And from someone that hates having people feel bad for them, I despise having to bring it up, because I don’t like to have someone feeling sorry. It isn’t their fault. It isn’t their problem. It’s just this odd position I get into and I never really know what to say to people.

If you didn’t know me back in July, you probably don’t know my story. And that’s okay. I was living in Downtown Phoenix contemplating officially starting nursing school in the Fall while taking this small business life one day at a time. One morning I woke up to a missed call from an unknown number. An hour later my sister-in-law called to tell me the news. There was no way it could be true. We had just been texting the night before. There was no way he could really be gone. It didn’t make sense to me.

Our world had changed in a blink of an eye.

Feeling lost, broken, and numb, I didn’t know what to do. I just froze. I would hide in my bathroom crying. When I wasn’t crying, I was fast asleep from mental exhaustion.  Everything was moving so fast and so slow all at the same time. I signed more papers than I think I ever signed when I joined the Army. Next thing I knew, Christian and I were flying out to Ohio to pick daddy up from the airport. But things were never going to be the same again. That whole week I kept thinking that this was going to be the thing that made it feel real. It didn’t, nothing did. Seven months later and it still doesn’t feel real. Even though we relocated. Even though I know the real reason why I’m living in Ohio… it still doesn’t feel real. And truthfully, I don’t think it ever will.

This is just a part of me now, a part of us, and my why for settling down in Ohio.

Photos by Lindsay Dawn Photography. This angel drove 4 hours to capture these photos for me. They weren’t photos I wanted to ever have. I barely had the courage to ask her. But they were photos I knew we needed. Christian needed. So when he’s ready, he’ll be able to see that he was there through this entire process. It wasn’t until he passed away that every photo we ever had suddenly meant the world to me, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so passionate about taking those candid photos until that summer.

My life has been changed forever. I know I’ll continue to have my moments where something triggers me. But I know this move was good for us. Small town living is a huge change for me, and I’m slowly transitioning, but I’m thankful for what it’s brought me thus far. I know things will continue to brighten for us as time goes by.

But that’s my why for uprooting my life to Jackson.


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